Here we go now!
I'm a villain, I'm a rogue
I'll nick your wallet or garden gnome
I'm a burglar, I'm a cad
An open window, I'm in your home

I'll have your tools or kiddies toys
And I'm not safe - a joy of joys
I'll be the gas man or a toad
I'll have your telly or garden hose

While I'm scoping in the dark
I'll strap your dog so he won't bark
I won't disturb your only dreams
But if you wake up, there's no screams

I'll nick anything removable
From the QE2 to the toilet paper in the houses of parliament
I'll even have the milk off your doorstep
Or the skin off a baby seal's back

'Cause I'm a real villain (played backwards)
I'll steal the paper or the milk
Or warn your neighbor's or the bill
I'm a stealer, I'm a crook
Read about me in Mich's book

Burglary is a life for me
Burglary is a life for me
People say that crime don't pay
I drink champagne every day

And the good Lord said "thou shall not steal"
There is only one path and that is the straight and narrow
It's a bit too bleeding straight and a bit too narrow for my liking

Okay, gov, it's a fair cop
Throw on the bracelets
Chink, chink, oh god, I'm nicked

I sentence you to six months
Take him away