It was a used car dealer's election
And the choice was rather small
The boys agreed, "It's the war we need
So there's no president at all"

Here's to Nixon and Agnew
They are the stars of the stage and screen
Not since Laurel and Hardy
Have I laughed so hard, I screamed

I thought that Johnson was the devil
I thought we couldn't do no worse
Now the White House stands in Disneyland
This country must be under a curse

Here's to Nixon and Agnew
They are the stars of the stage and screen
Not since Laurel and Hardy
Have I laughed so hard, I screamed

I dreamed that Nixon died of a suntan
There was only Spiro left
At his swearing in, he fell on his chin
He assassinated himself

Here's to Nixon and Agnew
They are the stars of the stage and screen
Not since Laurel and Hardy
Have I laughed so hard, I screamed