Colin Zeal knows the value of mass appeal
He's a pedestrian walker, he's a civil talker
He's an affable man with a plausible plan
Keeps his eye on the news, keeps his future in hand

(And then he)
Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
He's pleased with himself, he's pleased with himself
He's so pleased with himself, ahh

While sitting in traffic, Colin thinks in automatic
He's an immaculate dresser, he's your common aggressor
Colin's the modern retard with a love of bombast
Keeps his eye on the news, doesn't dwell on the past

(And then he)
Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
He's pleased with himself, he's pleased with himself
He's so pleased with himself, ahh
He's pleased with himself, he's pleased with himself
He's so pleased with himself, ahh

Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
He's pleased with himself, he's pleased with himself
He's so pleased with himself, ahh
He's pleased with himself, he's pleased with himself
He's so pleased with himself, ahh

(He's a modern retard, he's terminal lard)
He's pleased with himself, he's pleased with himself
(He's an affable man, with a carotene tan)
He's so pleased with himself, ahh
('Cause Colin Zeal's ill)
He's pleased with himself, he's so pleased with himself
(Colin Zeal's ill)
He's so pleased with himself, ahh
(Colin Zeal's ill)
'Cos Colin Zeal knows