Now you're here, so have no fear
I'm just your friendly guide
So come along 'cause you belong
You joined us when you died

From your birth until your final breath,
I'm proud to say you finally
Entertained yourself to death

Welcome to the congregation
(Hey, hey)
I hope we meet your expectation
(Hey, ho)
A little tiny pinch of deviation

We understand what you had planned
Goes by another name
Where bluebirds sing and church bells ring,
Well, isn't that a shame?

Your application sadly was denied
But let's be clear, we love you here
You're on the other side

Welcome to the congregation
(Hey, hey)
I hope we meet your expectation
(Hey, ho)
We promise it won't stain your reputation

Ah, if you can see over here,
The Broken Glass Chamber of
The boys from Wall Street
Let's hear it for the boys
And here in the eternal mariachi room
Above the eve marked "Priest" and "Telemarketers"
To the fiery pit of boiling death
The lawyers, pimps and mimes

Welcome to the congregation
(Hey, ho)
Welcome to the congregation
(Hey, ho)
Welcome to the congregation
(Hey, ho)
I hope we meet your expectation
(Hey, ho)
So thanks for dropping by here
We're really gonna try here
But in the end, you know you're gonna fry…
Fry, fry here
(Hey, ho, hey)

Uh, excuse me, sir,
Is there a bathroom here?